Peas of the Pod 5: The Soulmate

Here is another of the early columns in the series that led to the DivorcingDaze Podcast:

Enjoy!

THE SOULMATE

Ok, pinch me. OUCH.

So, last night (Saturday night) X took the girls for "his weekend" at 5:00pm. This morning, fourteen hours later, 7:00 am, the phone rings.

Me: "Hello?"

X: "Oh, did I wake you? I'm sorry."

Me: "That's ok."

X: "You sleep with the phone by your bed?"

My Sunday morning needs to begin with X questioning what appliances I keep near my bed? This could get interesting. But I'm a realist so I change the topic.

Me: "What's going on?"

X: "Well, I was wondering if you could come up and watch the girls for a bit so I can run to the supermarket."

Me: "ok."

X: "Really appreciate it."


For two years I manage to feed, clothe, clean, and raise the girls, work, and walk the dog three times a day without relying on him. Although come to think of it, there were two occasions when I asked X to help me out with the dog. The first time he said, "Stop testing me, Laurie." And the second time he said, "NO." But who is counting here? And obviously nobody is keeping score.

So, like the obedient wife, I drag myself out of bed, make a pot of coffee and head up to the 9th floor.

It does warm my heart to enter X's apartment because my two reasons for living greet me with their sleepy smiles and warm hugs.

X is dutifully apologetic and grateful, which of course, warms my heart as well. Note to self: discuss this point in next therapy appointment.

I tell myself this is really one of those win-win `situations.' I get to see my kids…. I get a chance to be in X's apartment without him….

So X returns from the supermarket and invites me to stay for breakfast. The girls cheer combined with the memory of his bacon (the one food item I will always burn) and his cinnamon French toast convince me to stay the morning.

During breakfast X complains about his migraines and sleepless night. (Ya' know, voodoo dolls really can work!)

He asks if I could watch the girls for a few hours so he can try to nap. No problem, I offer. I tell him I'll take the girls to a movie.

X shifts uncomfortably in his chair, looks away and says, "Well, we have a big day planned."

"What's planned?" I ask.

Unfortunately, X knows he can no longer dodge, for his five-year-old daughter sings like a canary. Forced to admit the truth he explains that he, the girls, the "soul mate boss" and her girls, are all going to see "The Incredibles."

It isn't until I return to the third floor I realize what has just happened. X has asked me to take the girls on my one day off in two weeks to watch them so he can nap so that he won't be too tired to go on a date with the woman he left me for. And not only that, but he puts in the request that I not see a movie when I'm with the kids cause that's what the Brady Bunch will be doing this afternoon! Who needs to see the movie "The Incredibles" -- I've got it all right here.

As we three leave his apartment he asks that I have the girls ready at noon.

The hours pass, X picks the girls up surprisingly on time. The girls leave with washed faces, pressed clothes and braided hair. Wouldn't want them to disappoint the boss.

Win – win you ask? The entire morning screams Win – LOSE! Or just LOSER! But as I crawl into bed to hibernate for the rest of the day, I recall my lack of judgment and immaturity. I'm the first to admit that 'you can take the kids away from mom but you can't take the kid out of mom." Those few minutes alone in X's apartment afforded me just enough alone time with the soul mate's toothbrush. And you know what? Forget chicken soup. Revenge soothes the soul just fine.